If you love a good bit of trash TV now and again, and you also love lesbians, this is the show for you. Tampa Baes is a conglomeration of Florida culture, heavy drinking, and copious amounts of drama. As always, I came for the lesbians. I stayed because I knew exactly what I was getting myself into when I turned on reality TV.
Tampa Baes has me reminiscing about The Real L Word. Lesbian reality shows are few and far in-between. We back, baby! I can’t be the only one who’ll never forget Whitney and Sada. There is no on-camera sex in Tampa Baes (thankfully, because that was so cringe,) but there is just as much booze.
The Baes are apparently the friend group at the social center of the Tampa, Florida lesbian scene. Noted.
A little backstory on the show’s development: Haley and Brianna contacted a producer to create their own all-lesbian cast reality show and began developing Tampa Baes in 2018. Season 1 of Tampa Baes premiered on Amazon in November of 2021. The Baes have bee flirting the idea of second season on social media. Quoted from Brianna’s website, “I began dating my girlfriend in May 2015 and we have always been the center of attention since the day we met.” No one is suffering from lack of self esteem in this cast.
Guess who is not writing a feminist analysis for these reviews? Me. We are here to have fun and watch this purposefully dramatic tv and be entertained. Sometimes that’s just what we need. This is one of those times.
Lez get into episode 1, Y2BAE
We’re at Brianna (“Murphy”) and Haley’s house. They’re real estate investors. Their swank pad is the lesbian party spot. Mack and Olivia swing by to check out the stripper pole they just set up in preparation for, yup, a party.
Marissa and Summer are matching in their intro and it’s cute af. Cuppie’s next and lets us know that Ybor City’s been nicknamed “Gaybor.” I know your eyes are up there, Cuppie, but I’m a lesbian. She’s taking a break from trauma nursing to bartend at a strip club while going back to school. As one does. Cuppie is moving back to Tampa from Orlando because, “nowhere compares to the lesbian scene in Tampa.”
Cuppie and Marissa used to date back in the day but now Cuppie and Summer are really close friends. The trio hangs out all the time because lesbians. You know who you are, don’t side eye me.
Brianna and Haley are throwing a Y2K themed birthday party for Jordan and Shiva’s birthdays. Cut to an interview of Haley saying that she and Marissa don’t care if people see them as the local celesbian couple or not, and they don’t care about showing off their things. Aight, sis. In case you haven’t caught on, Haley & Brianna and Summer & Marissa are “It Couple” rivals. I am a fan of the “who’s on top” joke here.
Back to Haley and Brianna’s house where they’re discussing party planning with Mack and Olivia. The “crazy Y2K theme.” Haley spends the scene noticeably posing awkwardly in a chair and adjusting herself and her clothing for the camera. Reality tv is so weird, but I love that about it. I think it’s extra interesting to see lesbians put into this position because we aren’t generally given the spotlight. How do you act when all eyes are on you, when in the larger world we exist as a subclass? Okay, I got a little deep there… On the lighthearted end, Haley did help fund this series so she wants to get her money’s worth, y’all.
Brianna’s top energy is something to behold and she throws hard looks. I’m still waiting to find out if she’s an Aries because she seems ready to fight literally all the time. Yes, I googled it but the show directly invalidated some of my other cast zodiac sign findings so I don’t trust the internet on that. The mystery continues for now.
Brianna says she and Haley are, “always a good vibe,” and that makes people feel jealous. Furthermore, they are the “queen bees of the Tampa lesbian scene,” says Brianna. I’m laughing out loud. This is gold.
Enter Shiva and Jordan, who are grabbing coffee at an outdoor cafe (that looks lush and tropical and delightful, by the way.) Shiva has “Hey Mama” vibes written all over her. She says she’s the peacemaker of the group and steps on feet because she doesn’t pick sides. Jordan asks her what she likes in a woman and Shiva makes sure Jordan isn’t “trying to like…” No, she’s not. But Shiva just likes what she likes and she’ll know it when she sees it, and then I fistbumped the screen because same.
Jordan is the bae fam “labrador.” I love this lesbian pop culture trend where we call the loyal lesbians cute and sweet dogs like labradors and golden retrievers. I’m here for it.
Shiva has a thing for Cuppie and Cuppie likes to toy with Shiva and make out with her when they’re drinking. This is a whole thing.
Brianna and Haley are walking down the beach like it’s a runway while the camera pans them from supermodel angles and I cannot. I am so glad they paid for this show. I am thoroughly entertained. Brianna poses the question, “Is there such a thing as being too sexy and fun?”
Everyone is meeting up at the beach (for some drinks to pregame, duh,) and Shiva talks about the “unspoken battle” between the It Couples. Who do all the lesbians prefer to hang out with? This is a big deal. Stop laughing. I’m just writing what’s on the show.
Jordan and Marissa meet up at a dog bar and I have now added ‘visit a dog bar’ to my bucket list. I’m happy to see all this dog lesbian representation. So much talk amongst all of the baes about the upcoming party and how they’re all going to interact because, ya know, It Couple feuds.
It’s Y2K party time. All this 2000s nostalgia in pop culture is hilarious to me but that’s probably because I’m old and reliving my high school years is the last thing I want to do. It’s the new 80s party, so it makes sense.
The party is a rager, as anticipated. There are over the top decorations, there are lap dancers, and booze flows like water. We finally meet artist Mel, Nelly and Ali.
When everyone is nice and sloshed, the couples battle comes to a head when Marissa and Summer start wrangling up everyone to leave the party and head to the bar instead. Haley and Brianna are pissed.
The bar crew heads out and the uber ride is drama-rama. Mack is pissed that Summer is popping off about Brianna and Haley. Shiva decides it’s a good time to start recording everyone on her phone, obvs.
And that’s it for episode one, folks.
My take-away: This show was produced as entertainment and from that perspective, these are some savvy lesbians who created just that. And from that perspective, I think the dramatic for-tv world they created is actually brilliant. It’s categorized as unscripted but I think there’s more to it and a lot of the content is played up for the cameras. And ya know what? I respect it. I didn’t pitch a show to Amazon or pay to produce it, did I? Did you? These are some hustlin’ Sapphics who know how to make a reality tv show succeed. They didn’t set out to make something other than what Tampa Baes is: lesbian entertainment.
Do I have my own opinions and feminist critiques on strip clubs, over-sexualizing women, showcasing hyper-feminized lesbians, and a party and sex culture? Yep. Do I make the choice to turn that part of my brain off sometimes and not pick everything apart because omg wouldn’t life be absolutely exhausting if you let everything bother you all of the time? Yep. Also, the majority of these women are still in their 20s. I really hope if someone was following me around with a camera in my 20s, the audience would cut me some slack.
Tampa Baes is a step away from seriousness when you just want to relax, chill and let yourself laugh. Take a break from feminist ranting for a minute and live, laugh, love. Life is too short.
