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“Pretty Little Liars” recap (7.8): The Return of Paige McCullers

Team Sparia tracks down Dr. Cochran and drives to their office, only to find that this doc is the daughter of the doc they are looking for. Apparently Doc Senior is an OBGYN who lost his license, and Doc Junior encourages them not to look for him. She also asks if they are “in trouble” and Spencer is like LOLOLOLOLOLOL I’m never having sex again.

Aria is pregnant with my child. #SpariaBaby

Ali goes back to Rosewood High, mere days after escaping the mental hospital where her evil fiancée held her captive. She’s ready for some normalcy, but when she walks into class, all of her students are wearing black hoodies. DUN DUN DUN! Real talk: does everyone in Rosewood know about the black hoodie thing? Like, is it common knowledge? Either way, Ali is so distraught that she pukes in the bathroom.

These kids must have really wiped out the local American Apparel

Later, she meets up with Emily, who asks her if she’d be okay with Emily applying for the coaching job. Ali assures her that she’d love to work together and encourages her to pursue the job. Emily feels guilty for telling Aria to delete the Nicole call and decides to go reason with Ezra, which is pointless and who even cares. Ezra continues to mansplain his feels over his supposedly dead girlfriend to Emily Fucking Fields who has buried/resurrected more girlfriends than a lesbian Dr. Frankenstein. Ugh, Era. No one cares about your man pain.

Coach Fields? I’d like to do some laps with you, if you know what I mean
I can help you with your breast stroke
Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive
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