Another episode of deliciously trashy reality tv — lez get right into it!
We open again at Brianna and Haley’s pad. It’s the day after the Y2K party. Mack drops by to talk about everything that went down. Rumple Minze guzzling really didn’t pan out in anyone’s best interest. There’s a review of the night’s conflict (you can get the scoop here.) Brianna and Haley are feeling disrespected. Valid.
Mack is not stoked that Shiva was recording her without her knowledge and didn’t record anyone else. Shiva sent the film clip to Jordan, and Mack found that out through the grapevine. Summer was hella upset in the car and Mack was all, “what are you even mad about?”
“Sorry you drove here, chugged Rumple Minze and decided you wanted to leave so bad and go to a f***ing bar,” says Brianna. YEAH, SORRY! People can’t even let themselves enjoy a crazy Y2K party, y’all. Pshh. (Don’t come after me, dear AfterEllen readers — I’m just having fun and being silly with this. That’s the theme of my Tampa Baes write-ups.)
Oh here we go. Marissa, Summer, Ali, Nelly and Jordan are at brunch (I mean, I’m just assuming the meal is brunch because lesbians.) Summer has a choice text message from Haley to share with the group. Haley did not restrain herself, I will just say. Ouch.
Marissa texted Brianna to tell her, “You better get ahold of your b*tch before I tell her why Summer does not f*ck with you.” Welp.
Jordan divulges in an interview that lots of people talk about Brianna and Haley’s relationship and many assume or speculate that it’s open. The phrase business transaction gets thrown around. Ouch.
Olivia heads over to Mel’s studio for a hang. She brings alcohol. It’s breakfast. Mel talks about how she and Olivia bonded. We get more of Mel’s *classic* and amazing laugh. Seriously, it’s so good. Some people just have that, ya know? Olivia makes fun of it. Some people also have a best friend around to razz them a bit. Olivia asks, “so alcohol’s later right?”
Marissa and Summer are working on renovating their new home but the work is delayed and the house isn’t ready for them to move into yet. Plan B: they move in with Marissa’s parents. They definitely pull up in a U-Haul, keeping it gay af per the unwritten lesbian code of conduct. We meet Marissa’s Mom, Renee — think My Big Fat Greek Wedding but make it Florida, wrapped in Versace style, with a dash of power realtor. I like her.
Shiva, Mel, and Olivia go skateboarding. Honestly, I respect Mel and Shiva’s choices to wear elbow, knee and wrist pads because we can’t all be Sky Brown. And some of us really want to keep our pretty faces intact (me, I want that.) I love seeing buds doing active things together. It’s a whole friendship vibe. They stop and chat up a group of women picnicking because they have that much game. P.S. Shiva, no one cares if you can skateboard or not because you’re hot anyway. You good, sis, you good.
Skateboarding time is over and Olivia wants to drink; like yesterday. This seems like a theme.
Renee tries to take charge at Marissa and Summer’s new house. To be honest, they probably need someone to come and holler at the contractors a bit to get stuff done. Marissa confesses that she really wants to marry Summer but she wants to wait until they are settled in their new house to do so. It’s a waiting game.
Olivia is drunk in jail. Oh shit, I guess it is a theme. Mel saves the day and goes to pick her up from the drunk tank, where she spent the night. Her car is impounded. Double whoops.
Cuppie decides she’s renting a tiki party boat for the gang. Saturdays are for drinking on the water in Tampa Bae land. Marissa and Summer decide to sit this one out. Maybe the drama will be at a minimum without the couples feud at play?
Dang, Olivia is only 23. Baby girl is still growing up. Luckily, no one was hurt when she drove drunk and she’s beating herself up more than anyone else could. Mel doesn’t skirt around the truth of the situation being disturbing, but also compassionately shows up and extends unconditional love. This is an A+ framily situation and it makes me happy to see this kind of love and support. People need that to grow and do better.
Jordan comes to family dinner at Marissa’s parents house and, holy heck, the Greeks throw down! I’m happy to report that Marissa did not burn her parents’ kitchen down when she lit the saganaki, but it was close. The fam is pushing for a wedding. I love to see this! It’s still uncommon to see a family so excited about their gay kid’s marriage and girlfriend, that they are actively pushing to expedite it. Brava to this refreshing family!
We get a little more backstory on Olivia. Turns out her Dad totally flaked after her Mom passed away when she was a teenager and she’s taken care of herself since. Mel has become her family in Florida. She’s not going to drink and drive again but she won’t consider giving up drinking. But yeah, she’s 23, so I’m not surprised. She’s still hurting a lot.
Jordan, Mack, Shiva, Nelly, and Ali are hanging out and Mack confronts Shiva about the infamous car ride situation. Mack is pissed, dude, but everyone seems to be discussing it pretty calmly so kudos for positive communication. I just really like Shiva’s one strap overalls fit. She apologized sincerely and everyone is cool now.
It’s boat day! We’ve got Cuppie, Shiva, Brianna, Haley, Jordan, Olivia and Mel. the boat is literally just a tiki bar on the water. There are beer bongs, there are champagne bongs. Everyone is getting shloshed. It’s Haley and Brianna’s turn to interrogate Shiva about the car recording. They want to hear the video, because obviously. Brianna calls Shiva a pot stirrer. I think she was just drunk and they’re all doing drunk shit when they’re drunk, ya feel me?
Shiva asks when Brianna and Haley are going to get married. Bad choice because Brianna is not about that. Don’t ask. She doesn’t need marriage to be happy, y’all — So f off about it! Homegirl goes off at that point and degrades Shiva to no end. Damn. Brianna’s defense mechanism is to verbally attack (fangs out) and it’s not a great look.
That’s a wrap on episode 2, folks. Once again, I’ve enjoyed just watching lesbians hang out and do normal stuff. Just lesbians being lesbians. I’ll take that over unnecessarily obnoxious attempts to “do activism” any day. Tampa Baes doesn’t try too hard and that’s why they nail it.
